It's been awhile

Hi, if you're hear reading this anyways.

It has been awhile since I posted in here, mainly because we have a lot going on that I don't want to openly discuss yet. Soon enough I will, I am sure.

Life has been hectic, busy honestly. Very busy. A lot of  changes are coming our families way and we are excited for them. They will hopefully (we believe anyways) bring what we need, a better and new future.

The boys are wonderful. All 3 are growing daily and they need to slow down a bit!

G is doing wonderful in Kinder and his soccer season ends on Thursday. He has taken quite wonderfully to the sport. Scoring many times during each game. I'm sad to see the season end but we will definitely be doing it again next year and possibly looking into t-ball this spring! He's doing well with sight words and learning to put them together. We are working on reading now as well. His writing is improving much more also.

D is devilish. I mean this child is seriously the rambunctious one of our 3 and he definitely lives up to the nick name trouble. So much energy! However in his escapades he's so sweet, caring and definitely funny. He has his moments with B but you can tell he loves him. He fights with G, but honestly I would probably be worried if we didn't have spats here and there. He is definitely his own and can go from moving so fast to wanting to snuggle. His speech is getting so much better and we are working on counting. So far 3 is as far as he gets and that's perfectly fine!

B is growing so quickly, not sure how I feel about that! It's so neat to see him change into his own little person instead of that whole baby blob thing you get. He is also trying to keep up with the older boys as far as playing and getting their attention. They don't ignore him, they love to help him. He's so goofy as well. When he gets into a mood, its so funny to watch. He goes bouncing off the walls toddler crazy! He is getting over a horrible sinus infection and getting all 4 1st year molars as well, he has just been so pleasant. I love him no less though!

That is our life currently. All 3 boys are great, we are working hard on making changes in our lives. I don't plan on ignoring my blog much longer, promise.

My own worst enemy

Everyone is their own worst enemy. Their own worst critic. I definitely am. I have a few things in life (aside from my kids and husband) that i really love. One of them being photography. By no means right now am I any where near a professional level. All I know is what i've done in research to learn. No real formal training and right now if I wanted to, I couldn't afford it. It has just always been something that I've enjoyed.

Now I want to take it somewhere. Do something with what I love and I feel like I'm going to fail. Fall flat on my ass. I know I can take decent photos but decent doesn't get you anywhere. I'm afraid to take pictures of other peoples kids/families because like I've already said, I'm my own worst critic. I could see the bad in all of them and want to scrap it. It's just my fears.

It's holding me back. I do want to find some local workshops or an online school that is affordable just for photography. To get a better understanding of it all. I get it, but what would hurt on learning more? It wouldn't hurt at all, it would be to my advantage. I want to do this, I want to succeed. I don't need to be huge, I just want a small side business. Doing something I know I love.

Just to get over the fears and constant self criticism. It'll never happen, I know that but at least how to kick them back some so I could be somewhat successful. I can do it, I have faith. I just have to I guess find a way to dig deep down inside myself and pull out the confidence. It's in there, somewhere. Hidden, probably behind the liver or something.

I will probably have Jason help me with the editing process so I don't go overboard. He can give me the eye of "okay, you've done just enough, no more!" rather then "I can fix this, or that, oh and this!" that I would be telling myself.

Oh confidence where oh where are you? Come out and play-ay. Oh Confidence, come out and play-ay. I really need to get that out of my head now. Back to what i was talking about. I know I could become something really good, especially in birth photography. I just have to muster the damn guts to 1. get over any and all shyness so i can 1a. meet people, 2a. direct people and 2. be successful. Without that, I can't get anywhere and kick my own worst enemy in the ass.