Thursday, May 6, 2010

When life hands you lemons

You should throw it at the people pissing you off. I feel lately that life just isn't in my favor. It's hard to explain without going into all the details and honestly, I don't want to do that. My feelings have been hit pretty hard and its just something I really don't want to deal with, but unfortunately I have too. We have to. Our marriage is just fine so its nothing to do with that. Honestly, it couldn't be any better because of how trying this is, how difficult, we're in it together.

Stress isn't good for pregnant women, then again I don't feel its good for any person. Why am I being handed it left and right along with any uncertainty? I don't get it, we have done everything we have been asked to do yet it seems to be falling back on us as if it is all our faults. It's not. I am not a bad person, neither of us are. We've done stupid things in our lives but we're in a place in our minds and hearts now that, who we were isn't who we are now. We're completely different and I don't get it. I don't get why we work so hard to better our lives and it seems to be teetering on the edge at all times.

Its just hard to sit back and not be able to do anything about it. It's no longer in our hands. Our fate is resting in someone else's hands and if all goes wrong, we're honestly just.. screwed. It breaks my heart because Jason has fought so hard to get us here, he busted his ass. To ensure we were taken care of, to make sure the boys were given a bright future. I feel like we're failing them. As a parent that is probably one of the worst feelings in the world.

We're trying to keep our heads up but neither of us can really take getting knocked down again. Hopefully soon we'll have final answers and then can move forwards with our lives. I love my family dearly and just want us all to be okay, happy and healthy.


  1. Oh no!!! What is going on?

    I will say you will make it through your hardship! Matthew and I had a hard 11 months. Coming through that was amazing. I am thinking of you guys!

  2. We have been having ups and downs since last December in our lives. Its hard to explain because its been a multitude of things that started to kick us down. We've picked ourselves up and thought we were heading to a much better place in a much better direction but now it seems like it was all for nothing. We're currently trying to buy a house (the whole situation right now seems to be nothing but a mess) and I feel like giving up. We've done all that we have been told to do, made sure everything was just fine and now we're basically waiting to find out if it goes through. When we've been assured several times it would, we were good to go, then something else came up. I can only take so much especially with all we've gone through. I know we will prevail through it all but if we lose this, we're in a much harder spot :(