Happy 2nd Birthday, Dane!

November 28th, 2008 Dane was born. He came into this world after 15 hours of labor, born at home as my first successful VBAC. Dane came into our lives and hearts and has kept them so warm ever since. He is our 2nd born, just 6 weeks shy of being 3 years apart from his older brother.

He healed me knowing my body wasn't broken. His birth was long and but definitely wonderful. We have since moved out of the house he was born in. I'm still torn about that. We were outgrowing the house but leaving the home I had him in, tore at my heart. It still does. I miss it a lot. I know it seems silly to some but the connection to when you birth your child at home (to me at least) is strong to the house.

Anyways, today he is 2. Two! It's so crazy to think that time has flown by so quickly. He was 1 week late, due on my husbands birthday but decided to hold out for his own. We called his birthday (honestly we have with all 3 boys birthdays too!) and he decided Black Friday would be an awesome day. I did my shopping online while in early labor. So we didn't miss out too much on some great deals :)

I just can't believe he's 2! I can't. He's so bright and ever since he gave up his bink his vocabulary has just taken off. He talks in 3-4 word sentences, he asks for things directly instead of grunting. He picks up words daily and is just amazing. Definitely still our chunkamunk. His 2 year well child check up is on the 1st, so we'll know his for sure weight and height then. He was 30lbs on our scale but that has a mind of its own.

Oh gee what else. He loves both his brothers, so gentle with Bishop and tackles Gage. He doesn't up with his crap haha. They now have bunk beds so he's in his big boy bed. Loves Woody and Buzz, Ni Hao Ki-Lan, Dora and Diego (Which he calls go-go) and is in love with Trains. As well as cars. We bought him 2 Thomas DVD's ($5 a piece, you can't beat that) and a ni hao ki-lan color wonder as well as a 140ct mega blok set. He'll be in tot heaven. He loves to watch The Polar Express because of the Choo-Choo Train.

My baby boy is two! I am so thankful that this birthday he is healthy! Happy Birthday to my sweet snuggle bug chunkamunk trouble. You came into this world and brought such joy to us all. You continue to do the same every day, even when you are being a little goob. Your giggles and full out big belly laughs are contagious as well as your gorgeous smile. You will do great things on this earth baby boy. I am proud to be your mama and I know daddy is proud to be your daddy. Your brothers love you dearly. Stay you Dane, you will do great things.

An hour old

6 months old

His 1st birthday

1 1/2 years old!

And TWO!

My own worst enemy

Everyone is their own worst enemy. Their own worst critic. I definitely am. I have a few things in life (aside from my kids and husband) that i really love. One of them being photography. By no means right now am I any where near a professional level. All I know is what i've done in research to learn. No real formal training and right now if I wanted to, I couldn't afford it. It has just always been something that I've enjoyed.

Now I want to take it somewhere. Do something with what I love and I feel like I'm going to fail. Fall flat on my ass. I know I can take decent photos but decent doesn't get you anywhere. I'm afraid to take pictures of other peoples kids/families because like I've already said, I'm my own worst critic. I could see the bad in all of them and want to scrap it. It's just my fears.

It's holding me back. I do want to find some local workshops or an online school that is affordable just for photography. To get a better understanding of it all. I get it, but what would hurt on learning more? It wouldn't hurt at all, it would be to my advantage. I want to do this, I want to succeed. I don't need to be huge, I just want a small side business. Doing something I know I love.

Just to get over the fears and constant self criticism. It'll never happen, I know that but at least how to kick them back some so I could be somewhat successful. I can do it, I have faith. I just have to I guess find a way to dig deep down inside myself and pull out the confidence. It's in there, somewhere. Hidden, probably behind the liver or something.

I will probably have Jason help me with the editing process so I don't go overboard. He can give me the eye of "okay, you've done just enough, no more!" rather then "I can fix this, or that, oh and this!" that I would be telling myself.

Oh confidence where oh where are you? Come out and play-ay. Oh Confidence, come out and play-ay. I really need to get that out of my head now. Back to what i was talking about. I know I could become something really good, especially in birth photography. I just have to muster the damn guts to 1. get over any and all shyness so i can 1a. meet people, 2a. direct people and 2. be successful. Without that, I can't get anywhere and kick my own worst enemy in the ass.

Being 'that mom'

Recently I've been thinking about it and really started to wonder. Am I really, 'that mom'? You know, the mom who really only talks about her kids. All day, every day. With maybe the occasional "My husband did this/that" thrown into the mix.

So here is my formal apology. I am sorry if I talk about my child's random pooping habits because lets face it, with an infant when they can't go their miserable. Which in turn makes me miserable, then that makes everyone else miserable. It's a snowball effect. Once I'm unhappy, everything else is down hill from there. But hey, who likes to see their 2 month old in pain? I know i don't. So yeah, if he poops 3 times in one day which is very unusual for him, I will shout with glee from the rooftops. I'm that mom.

I'm sorry if I talk about my oldests quirky, amusing and hilarious chats I have with him. Or how he tells me that boys can't nurse babies but he wishes he could. He's at that age where pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth is should be documented. For either future laughs with him and going "yes, you really said that!" or the embarrassing stories for future dates. Who doesn't want those? After three kids, my memory is shot so I have to write it down somewhere. So if you're connected to one of those somewheres, I apologize.

I'm sorry if I talk about how my almost 2 year old has the strangest habits, words, moves and movements. I'm sorry if I talk about how he's sitting here on my lap right now burping and finding it hilarious while I am not laughing. Yes, he's a boy. It shows. He's also his fathers son, again, it shows.

Im sorry if talking about these things seem constant, all the time, never ending but honestly, they're my kids. My life, my world. So yes, I may talk about how my oldest is upset he doesn't have the way to nurse the baby like mama does, or how my middlest (yes we call him that) is a goofball all the way around or how my youngest just took 3 poops in one day and we were thrilled. I'm sorry if it bothers you, but i'm not sorry for saying it. They're my babies and a big part of me.

I guess being 'that mom' has its ups and downs but I wouldn't trade it for the world.