Friday, August 12, 2011

Starting to Wonder

I know we aren't the only ones who are struggling and honestly I'm not open about it because, why should I have to be? We have been doing all we can to get ahead yet we seem to keep falling back. When is our break? Two years in a few months, that's how long we've been struggling and pushing through. Going up and down the stupid roller coaster begging and pleading to get off of it. Yet, that life handler, the one who holds the key to shutting the machine off is refusing. One step forward, five steps back. That's what it feels like anyways. The worlds weight is getting slightly heavy.

When is our break? It's becoming so soul crushing to know that it's not getting better, it's in fact getting worse. Having any hope anymore just doesn't exist. I'm beyond stressed, we are trying to figure everything out to survive and yet we're falling short. I feel like we're failing. We could sit here and do nothing, but we're trying.

I have become very thankful for certain people in my life. They have been there to listen to me at my worst, support me no matter what and just be a wonderful shoulder to lean on. Our families have been wonderful, so supportive in trying to help us the best that they can but they also have things going on with them.

I just feel like a burden when talking about my life. Why would anyone honestly want to listen to it? We are doing our best, we are exhausting all we can to figure out what to do on our next try. I just don't know anymore. How many times can someone be picked up then knocked right back down again?

Please don't tell me life will get better. It honestly does not help. It may get better but unless that happens in the next 15 minutes, it means diddly squat to me. I can't take it anymore.

Faith, that word means joke to me now.


  1. You know I'm always here to listen. Heart you lots <3

  2. Oh, friend, I have been there. We went a year without employment. I have wrote alot about that time on my own blog. I will be praying and thinking of you. Your family is so precious. Never feel you are a burden...I so want to know how your doing and feeling. It isn't just about the good. HUGS